Posted by: Ken Wheatley | March 4, 2009

Dark Times

I’m in a real funk tonight. Sheila and I hit a rough patch last night and it’s continued all day and into tonight.

The results of her spinal MRI from Saturday was “inconclusive.” Apparently it’s blurry and they can’t tell what’s going on. Sheila called Bunny’s doctor friend who heads-up the Radiology department to get a second opinion.

She spent most of yesterday afternoon, Monday, in the emergency room. She woke up with severe pain in her right lung and after toughing it out in the morning, she left work and went to the hospital. They thought she might have an embolism or pneumonia so they did a chest CT and x-ray. Both were negative, however, according to the radiologist the new tumors have allegedly increased a bit in size since last week, and Sheila is one of those patients that can actually feel the pain of a tumor. She’s taken more pain med in the last few days than she has all year.

I was impatiently waiting by the phone at work ready to head to the hospital, but Sheila didn’t want me to come down. She didn’t think it would take all that long and she didn’t want me to make the drive, which I would have done gladly. But her logic prevailed – if they were going to keep her overnight, it made better sense for me to go home first, get some clothes for her and then come to the hospital. I didn’t want logic. I wanted to be with her and trying to work was the last thing on my mind.

Her sister Karen did go down to the hospital to be with Sheila and after Sheila was checked out they went to dinner at PF Chang’s.

When Sheila got home she wasn’t totally herself. Tired, drawn, but still affectionate. Something had happened at work, again, and she had to call her sister who worked for her and let her go. She didn’t make the call until almost 11pm which I wasn’t too happy about. She had already had a bad day and to end it on such a note was more stress than she needed. We got into an argument about it. But she called anyway and of course was depressed afterward.

This morning she was a wreck, in pain, with not much sleep. I took off work to take care of her, but she was very moody and sullen. I asked her at one point what was bothering her – if it was something beyond letting her sister go – and she said she was feeling beaten down by everything. Work, her family, letting her sister go and our heated discussion from the night before. She was just tired from everything, and she’s in pain. So obviously a bad combination. I’ve never seen her so depressed.

She needed to go into work to get some stuff – because she was out all day yesterday – but she couldn’t drive because of the pain medication. So I drove her to the office.

We got home tonight around 7:30, and she went straight to bed. To take a nap, she said. It’s now almost midnight and she hasn’t stirred. I’ve checked on her several times, and she’s curled up under the blanket in bed.

The house is so quiet. And even though she’s down the hall, it feels empty. I don’t like it. I don’t like any of it.

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