Posted by: Ken Wheatley | November 15, 2009

Two Months

The time approaches again in a few hours – less than three, actually. But it’s really a daily, hourly, every second event for me. I constantly think about Sheila. Constantly. She’s the ache in my heart and the presence in my head.

The nights and weekends are still the hardest. In general I find that I talk a lot less now. And I’m mostly silent at home. It’s weird when you’re use to having someone to talk with everyday. To break the silence I’ll start talking to Sheila about whatever comes to mind – the events of the day, an article in the newspaper, the Car Guys on Saturday morning (we rarely missed listening to that show on NPR), or something that’s on TV. There’s an article in today’s WSJ about Jane Austin that I’m saving to read to her later. She and I watched a couple of movies about Jane that we really enjoyed, so I’m sure she’ll like the article.

If I’m watching a movie – especially one I know she would have liked – I put the urn on the couch with me in the place where she used to sit. It’s the right height for me to rest my left arm on. It gives me that feeling as if we were leaning against each other like we used to. She’s about a foot away from me now, next to me on the counter. I still carry her around the house to be close to me. I thought about taking her outside today to be with me while I worked, but didn’t want her to get dusty.

I finally felt well enough today to get outside to do some long overdue yard maintenance. The cough is the only thing that persists. The nausea finally ended on Thursday. It’s been a long three weeks.

As I looked at the Chinese Elm tree in the front yard I remembered how utterly pleased Sheila was when I trimmed up the bottom of the limbs a few weeks before she passed away. Over the final weeks, anytime we were outside she would comment, with a big grin, about how nice the tree looked. I couldn’t remember her being that happy in some time. Of course it made me happy to do something that pleased her so much.

Anyway, I finally got around to trimming the hedges and more important, I got to clean-up and fertilize one of the two blueberry bushes that Sheila planted. I have more to do, but I’m trying to make sure that all the trees and plants we planted survive. I can’t have any of them die too.

Tomorrow morning I’ll work on the other blueberry bush and maybe have time to attack her garden before heading over to Steve and Joni for the Charger game. Amazingly, the tomato plants are still cranking out tomatoes. Like her, they’re tenacious.

I love you bunches, and miss you, Sheila….



  1. i hope i am still here within the your “circle of friends” Ken……… on me anytime, friend!

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