Posted by: Ken Wheatley | September 15, 2010

One Year…”My Heart and Soul”

In about three minutes, a year ago, my life, my joy, my reason to be happy everyday because of you being in my life ended when you took your last breath.

It’s been a long year. A very long year at times. Because I think of you, and miss you, constantly. So the minutes and days sometimes crawl by. It’s like I’m living two lives. One half laughs and does things, the other is sad. I have this ache for you that just never completely goes away. I miss you so much.

There are still times I can’t believe you’re gone. We had such a great life together. I adored being with you. You made me the most complete and content person that I’d ever felt in my life. And since this time a year ago, I’ve had to adjust to living life without your touch. Your kisses. Your hugs. Your foot rubs while watching tv. Holding your hand, all the time. Touching you as often as possible.

It’s midnight, September 15th, and you’re gone. Again.

There’s a song by Stephen Bishop that I’ve played over 114 times this year – I’m playing it now as I write this – that perfectly captures what it’s been like to lose you, and how I’ll always feel going forward. The song is: “(You’ll Always Be) My Heart and Soul.” You’ve heard me sing the song to you many times since you’ve been gone:

The years they come and go
And change will come I know
You won’t be there
My heart and soul
A different time and place
That time did not erase
The smile that lights your face
As you gaze in mine
It will always shine
And you
Will always be
An angel making sure I care
A memory that’s always there
Your dreams won’t die if they live inside of me
You know you’ll always be my heart and soul

The years roll on and on
I looked and you were gone
I miss you so
My heart and soul
The years can make you wise
Now I finally realize
That if I just close my eyes
I can see you there                                                                                                                                                               From the love we share
And you will always be
A dream so real it cannot die
A trust in faith that lets me fly
A thought so strong it just belongs to me
You know you’ll always be my heart and soul

An angel making sure I care
A memory that’s always there
You’ll always be my heart and soul

————–

Rest in peace, my love. I will carry your memory. I will work on your behalf until my last breath.

I love you, Sheila….I adore you. Always did…always will…

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Responses

  1. Thinking of you today Ken! I feel so fortunate I had a chance to meet Sheila and talk with her when I did. Hold your head up and keep moving forward. Hugs!!

  2. beautiful letter ken.

    i miss her all over again……..
    i love you sheila,

  3. Little Brother,
    I’ve always been proud of all the things that you’ve accomplished in your life but nothing made me prouder of you until I saw the love,care and devotion that you had for Sheila.I love you,Ken and miss Sheila.

  4. Thinking of you today and always, remember you are not alone…..I am so sorry you are hurting

    Gentle hugs
    Tina

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss Ken. I feel your pain and heartache. I know exactly how you feel Ken, I lost my husband of 28.5 years in January 2010. While it was expected at some point, it was sudden and I went into shock when it happened. For a long time I have re-lived that moment over and over again, and I wondered what he went through without me by his side in that moment when he died. I was numb for the first 4 months afterwards, forcing myself to go through the motions of daily life. I knew I had to return to work, exercise, etc., even though it was so difficult. I cried every day for months and then things slowly improved through grief counseling and exercise. Talking about it became easier though any song on the radio, or movie, even a piece of mail could trigger an ocean of tears. I’ve never felt so exhausted in my life! I too felt like this experience has aged me and I never thought for a moment I would be a widow in my 50’s – too young to experience such a profound loss. Lately, I’ve been re-living struggles my husband endured last year at this time. Even though I have a wonderful and supportive family, friends and co-workers, some days, I’ve feel so alone and ache for my old life. There were no last good-byes so that hurts deeply. Now I’m able to laugh and sleep better, but with the holidays approaching, I know that these next few months will be difficult. All one can do is move forward and treasure all good memories with their loved ones. Life does move onward, though it’s easier said than done. Hugs to you Ken as you move forward.
    Best,
    Frances

  6. I am sorry we missed the Event on Saturday, we were out of town. I heard everything was AWESOME!! Good job! God has Blessed all of us who had Sheila in our lives!
    Caylynn and family

  7. Thanks Big Bro. I’ve been working and traveling a lot, so I’m very behind on all my mail.

    I have to say, that’s the nicest thing you’ve written or said to me in a very long time. Thanks. Love you too…

  8. Hey girl. I know you’ve “checked-out” for a bit, but it was nice to see your message. As soon as I finish catching-up on my blog, I’m heading over to your’s to see what the latest with Allen is. Hope all is going well for you guys. Hugs back at ya!

  9. Thanks for the note, Tina. I’m fortunate to have people like you, and others, to bolster my spirits during the tough times. The days are easier to get through. I think of Sheila all the time, but the desperation I was experiencing last year has greatly subsided. There’s a general longing for her, but it’s more managable now.

    Hope all is well down-under. Still on my list of places to visit. Hopefully in 2011. Heading to Costa Rica first for my daughter’s wedding in May.

  10. Frances,
    I’m very sorry that you lost your husband. As difficult as it’s been losing Sheila, I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have her for 28.5 years and then lose her. My gosh, what you must be experiencing.

    I tried writing you separately because I have some questions, but the email was returned as undelivered due to a bad email address. Maybe you changed it since you wrote.

    Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story with me.

    Hugs,
    Ken

  11. Hi Caylynn,
    Yes, it was an AWESOME event. Sheila would have been very thrilled with the turnout.

    Hope all is well with you and the clan….


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