Posted by: Ken Wheatley | October 28, 2010

Can’t Sleep

I’ve been wanting to write for some time, but haven’t. Not sure exactly why.

It’s after midnight, and I’m anxious for some reason. Heart’s racing a bit. Restless. Reluctant to go to bed. But that part isn’t unusual. I rarely get to bed before 1 am. Sometimes closer to 2. And then I wake up around 6. The eyes just pop open. On autopilot.

I have an early morning meeting with Dr. B. We’re meeting for breakfast. She’s patiently helping me find the road less traveled. I don’t want to raise money or conduct events just for the sake of doing either. I want it to matter. To make a difference in the outcome.

I continue to get emails from both patients and caregivers. The angst, the fear, the frustration is tangible in each letter. I’ve been there. I recognize the signs. The words. The emotions. We’re all searching for an explanation of “why.” And searching for a solution.

Maybe part of it is because we silently see our own mortality playing out in front of us.

I’m fortunate to have Sandra now in my life. We help each other. Although obviously I need it more than she does at this point. She’s had 14 years to come to terms with her loss, so I’m a novice by that standard. She’s a good woman and has been very supportive and was actively helpful on the tennis event.

I just returned from an ISO meeting in South Korea, and during the long flight couldn’t help but remember that Sheila went with me to the last meeting when it was in Shanghai.  That was our last big trip together. She was in a lot of pain during the flight, but trouper that she was, she toughed it out as always. The flight crew gave us a large bottle of Champagne, which we ended-up giving to Vic and Margaret, a couple from the UK who was also attending the meeting.

Well, writing has helped, as usual. And the eyelids are growing a bit heavy finally. So time to end…

Love you, Sheila…

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Responses

  1. Dear Ken,
    I also thought of Sheila a lot in Korea.
    And I’m thankful, that Sheila has been in Shanghai.
    Here is an extra hug for you: XXX
    Maja


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