Unexpected sadness today

I’ve been doing better, emotionally, the past few weeks but for some reason I’m struggling today about Sheila.

After I got ready for work today I was walking down the hall towards the kitchen and felt drawn to the large engagement photo that has all the signatures and well-wishes people wrote the day of our wedding. I stood there and read all the entries and looked at Sheila’s sweet smile and was overcome with a heartaching sadness at her absence that has stayed with me all day.

It’s almost 1:30 in the morning, and I still can’t go to bed yet. I miss her. I still can’t believe she’s gone.

When I was in Vancouver last week I took a day trip up to Whistler, and I had forgotten that Sheila had been there years earlier with someone else, and it was a place we had talked about visiting together. As I was walking between Whistler and Blackcomb I got tense, sad, and a bit anxious realizing that she may have walked the same path and it was a path that we’d never walk together. So many things that we won’t get to do.